Cultures dominate our world, stretching across continents and societies with its unique and traditional values. Singapore as a country, too, has its own culture and beliefs. Our predominantly routine of school, work and inevitably marriage is inculcated in each Singaporean, passing down generations along the way. Our modern outlook of marriage has somewhat taken a western approach, adapting to new changes as the decades fly by.
The movie titled 'Coming to America' portrays an African prince defying his culture of arranged marriages by masking his identity to find a girl whom he truly loves and vice verse.
Although we do not follow such practice here in Singapore, there are many other countries with cultures that live by such traditions. Indian and Nepalese Hindus are examples of people who strictly obey these rules.
Some may argue against such traditions, deeming them as flawed. In today's modern society, people develop and acquire mindsets which allow them to determine their lifestyle choices. Decisions to marry the partner of their choice seems appropriate; in most cultures, marriage is mainly based on one's preference as the ceremony is considered sacred where the couple involved prove their love for each other wholeheartedly and would be willing to spend the rest of their lives together. However for those in India, the norm to carry out marrige procedings involves parents as well, especially to a large extent. This is mainly due to the social standings or caste system based in the country. Parents choose the bride or groom, ideally suited in their perception, for their children. Funny enough, the divorce rates in individualistic USA is much higher than that of India. Comparing the difference in cultures, most couple in urbanized societies marries the person of their choice only after years of being acquainted while couples in traditional India meet their spouses only on the day of their marriage.
Feeling odd about the process of arranged marriages in other cultures depicts ethnocentrism. Being critical about another’s way of life does not allow room for thoughts and ideas but causes one to remain shallow.
It is necessary to be tolerant and understanding especially while living in a world filled with various cultures and traditions. It is also essential to be able to embrace and accept the different norms of societies to ensure a positive outcome in inter-cultural communication.
Actually it's not suprising that the divorce rate in India is lower as it is still seen as a taboo and shameful thing to do. And thus is really only used as a last resort (for extreme cases of adultery and domestic violence) However, in most other developed countries, marriage is seemingly been reduced to a more formal and exhibitionist way of showing to love someone. As such, divorce is also taken pretty lightly and is just another procedure od life.
I totally agree with you on the necessity of tolerance and even acceptance for other cultures. How can we begin to heal the world if we can't communicate with each other effectively?
i agree on how the different cultures view divorces differently as well. its their perception and view on such issues where for one is about the tradition while the other as an expression of their love for each other=)
It is all about the mindset of the people in the country. For forced marriages, partners are introduced to the children at an early stage of their life when their mindset are still very unclear. Therefore, they do not expect much from their partners and they will not compare with others as all of them are practicing the same culture. It may be a good thing as they accept the fate and will lead a happier life rather than those people who continue to search for a better partner. These are the times where problems start to arise. It is human nature to want something more worthy when they get to choose what they want. Still, not forgetting that there are stories where people found their true love after many failed one
Interesting post on different cultures and the idea of using marriage to discuss the amalgamation of cultures, because it is one of the most direct way for cultures to come together.
There are many good points that were made, such as the need to be tolerant and embracing of other cultures as we are living in an increasingly globalised world.
I agree with many of the points that were brought up by the other commenters (hahaha, for lack of a better word). Societal paradigms also play a huge part when it comes to the topic of marriage. For example, in many developed nations, the notion of independent women who choose a career over family tends to be more widely accepted, whereas this notion might be extremely taboo in perhaps a less developed country. Such pressures might rush people into marriage (and eventually might be what keeps them there even when it is bad), or what gives them the confidence to remain single or fight for their "right to love".
Having said that, differences in culture are just like differences in any other thing- attitude towards finances, child-raising opinions, interests- that can make or break a marriage, and just like these other factors, the differences in cultures can be overcome and in the best case a "new" culture can even be born, much like the peranakan culture that has evolved from the union of straits chinese and malays. (:
There are plenty of ways to think about culture. Not just within a particular race, but also within oraganisations, institutions (including religious ones) and on a larger scale within countries.
While culture binds us to our roots and allows us to find common identifiers with other individuals of similar heritage, core beliefs and/or traditional values, the construct of culture can also become a pervasive thing that stifles our creativity and people who are too deeply entrenched in this construct can fail to see anything outside of it.
And because anything unknown can be potentially frightening, fear becomes the primary motivation for fighting against anything or anyone that might try to introduce new and possibly more helpful concepts into that culture.
Hence, the people within that culture fight hard against "others" on the "outside" (those not considered part of that cultural background) and this "Us" versus "them" mentality become the very basis for people to become racist, sexist or facist. And in the midst of such potent opinions fuelled by group fear of the other, atrocities such as murder and genocide get commited and these actions are believed to be totally justified in the eyes of these people that carry them out. All for the sake of "cultural/traditional preservation"! Look at the Iraqi father who ran over his daughter with his vehicle because he felt she was getting too "westernised". "Honour killings" in India/Pakistan, where brothers, fathers or in-laws douse their wives and daughters with kerosene when they don't met up to certain traditional "expectations" and these killings are justified to "protect the family from shame" (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/02/0212_020212_honorkilling.html)
Hence culture can be viewed as a "double-edged sword". On one hand, culture can inculcate sense of belonging but when it becomes too deeply entrenched into any society, it can become dysfunctional. Especially when people fight and kill and denigrate others for the sake of their repective cultural perservation at the expense of goodwill and love.
Culture is gettin especially important for effective communication because the emblems and cues we use for our own culture may not pertain for another. additionally, the society we live in is becoming more globalized and the chances of us interacting with people from other cultures is greater. So we have to understand the differences and not have prejudice towards them because their way of doing things vary from our own or because the way they perceive things are different.
Culture plays an important role in our behaviour and perceptions towards issues. However, culture may also cause misunderstandings between people.
In the case of marriages that you talked about, indians and nepalese do follow strict laws. Even in Singapore, small differences like the venue of the weddings itself: Why do chinese get married at hotels? or indians at temples? or malays at void decks? or christians at churches? That itself shows differences in cultural beliefs, within a country itself.
While these open our people to a more diverse environment, they may also cause inconveniences or misunderstandings.
Like Capriana mentioned, indians may see divorce as a last resort solution, in cases of violence or adultery. However, some wives may still stay by their unfaithful husbands' sides. Westerners may see it as someone following blindly or someone being enslaved by their husbands, but the wives see it as respect for their husbands and their marriage itself(:
This is a very good topic to discuss. Sharing the same culture and religion -- apart from true love -- are two important elements that can help promote a happy and lasting marriage. If there are major cultural and religious differences between two people, even if they work out a compromise, there is the danger these could be a point of major friction between the couple in future.
Fortunately, for many people among the different races in Singapore there is acceptance and even celebration of each other’s culture that allow us to intermingle and even intermarry. But religion is still a huge obstacle and the problem accentuates when it comes to having children – whose religion should they follow, the mother of father’s? Muslims here also require their spouses to be of the same faith as theirs and if they won’t convert, then they can’t marry.
So I think when it comes to marriage, these issues between the couple must be resolved first and no one should surrender beliefs that they hold dearly.
Cultural differences between couples can lead to break up in relationships and ultimately divorces, but the problem with a lot of marriages today is the lack of give and take. People make a lot of promises to each other before they tie the knot but often they are not sincere in making them.
Many people make the mistake of getting into marriage because they are afraid if they don’t make a commitment when they get the chance, they might not get married in the end. Finding the right person is important but it does not mean we should rush into the first opportunity we come across, just because we are getting older or afraid we might never find Mr or Miss Right.
in this day and age, i feel that a career seems piority to most individuals and marrige is constantly put on hold. couples now consider being financially stable as crucial before being able to settle down for marrige with much ease. this idea mainly applies to those living in a modern society where ideas and perspectives differ from those in a consevative culture.
i feel that strong beliefs in the roots of one culture allows them to partcipate in arranged marriages as i personally cannot imagine living with someone i have never met for the rest of my life!
The different cultures present all over the world can actually be linked to language in some ways. In the past, people living in the same area used a common language to communicate with each other. However as time passed and the group split up into different tribes or clans, they brought with them their own set of values and language changed as well. They communicted the way they wanted to, led lives that they saw fit and from then on, language and culture began to diversify, stemming from the different mindsets they had.
Then, any conflicts they had was settled using violence. these conflicts arose usually due to their different ways of lives. Since they could not communicate effectively nor tolerate each other, they returned to the most premitive method of achieving their wants, which was to fight for it.
In the modern world today, nations forge international ties with oneanother in the hope of achieving world peace one day, where all nations can live together harmoniously. The many peace treaties signed are actually just papers with certin boundaries set to prevent either psrty from getting into conflicts due to misunderstandings.
personally, world peace will only exist when nations accept one another and work together hand in hand, sans the treaties or agreements. The trust given to each other, the acceptance of one another, and the tolerance of mistakes will give rise to a better world. All these can be achieved by starting from individuals living in society today.
If everyone applied the same general rules when dealing with inter-personal relations, there will certainly be a much lesser occurence of conflict and war.
For sure, culture differentiates groups of people from others. There will be no real problems if everyone appreciates and take the trouble to learn what why others are different. It adds colour to the world and if we can see what good culture brings to each group, we may be able to see that they are no different than what we all seek – the best in life and the continuity of their race.
Singaporeans have gained tremendously over the mix of cultures we have among us. It has enriched our landscape and allowed us to be more accepting of people who are different. Of course there are those who like to think they have a more superior one, but they are not a big group. Still, although we may tolerant of someone different from us, the only way we are going to be more accepting of such people is when we learn why people practise their cultures the way they do. Only then, can marriage occur more easily and with less obstacles between people of different traditions.
About how arranged marriages seem to be unwavered in the Indian culture as compared to the Western culture despite the nature how the couple end up getting married, I feel that couples who have arranged marriages do not separate for the simple reason of honoring their parents decision. Yes, I personally feel that that may be the wrong way to settle down. However, when you think about it, in a way it shows that what probable bonds traditional couples who were match made is their loyalty to one another and responsibility toward their wives/ husbands.
I feel that probably the modern culture which gives us the freedom of choice has spoilts us. Imagine the kind of love two people could have in our modern society where the get married cause they love each other, and on top of that retain the values of a tradional marriage !
Actually it's not suprising that the divorce rate in India is lower as it is still seen as a taboo and shameful thing to do. And thus is really only used as a last resort (for extreme cases of adultery and domestic violence) However, in most other developed countries, marriage is seemingly been reduced to a more formal and exhibitionist way of showing to love someone. As such, divorce is also taken pretty lightly and is just another procedure od life.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you on the necessity of tolerance and even acceptance for other cultures. How can we begin to heal the world if we can't communicate with each other effectively?
i agree on how the different cultures view divorces differently as well. its their perception and view on such issues where for one is about the tradition while the other as an expression of their love for each other=)
ReplyDeleteIt is all about the mindset of the people in the country. For forced marriages, partners are introduced to the children at an early stage of their life when their mindset are still very unclear. Therefore, they do not expect much from their partners and they will not compare with others as all of them are practicing the same culture. It may be a good thing as they accept the fate and will lead a happier life rather than those people who continue to search for a better partner. These are the times where problems start to arise. It is human nature to want something more worthy when they get to choose what they want. Still, not forgetting that there are stories where people found their true love after many failed one
ReplyDeleteInteresting post on different cultures and the idea of using marriage to discuss the amalgamation of cultures, because it is one of the most direct way for cultures to come together.
ReplyDeleteThere are many good points that were made, such as the need to be tolerant and embracing of other cultures as we are living in an increasingly globalised world.
I agree with many of the points that were brought up by the other commenters (hahaha, for lack of a better word). Societal paradigms also play a huge part when it comes to the topic of marriage. For example, in many developed nations, the notion of independent women who choose a career over family tends to be more widely accepted, whereas this notion might be extremely taboo in perhaps a less developed country. Such pressures might rush people into marriage (and eventually might be what keeps them there even when it is bad), or what gives them the confidence to remain single or fight for their "right to love".
Having said that, differences in culture are just like differences in any other thing- attitude towards finances, child-raising opinions, interests- that can make or break a marriage, and just like these other factors, the differences in cultures can be overcome and in the best case a "new" culture can even be born, much like the peranakan culture that has evolved from the union of straits chinese and malays. (:
again, interesting post!
There are plenty of ways to think about culture. Not just within a particular race, but also within oraganisations, institutions (including religious ones) and on a larger scale within countries.
ReplyDeleteWhile culture binds us to our roots and allows us to find common identifiers with other individuals of similar heritage, core beliefs and/or traditional values, the construct of culture can also become a pervasive thing that stifles our creativity and people who are too deeply entrenched in this construct can fail to see anything outside of it.
And because anything unknown can be potentially frightening, fear becomes the primary motivation for fighting against anything or anyone that might try to introduce new and possibly more helpful concepts into that culture.
Hence, the people within that culture fight hard against "others" on the "outside" (those not considered part of that cultural background) and this "Us" versus "them" mentality become the very basis for people to become racist, sexist or facist. And in the midst of such potent opinions fuelled by group fear of the other, atrocities such as murder and genocide get commited and these actions are believed to be totally justified in the eyes of these people that carry them out. All for the sake of "cultural/traditional preservation"! Look at the Iraqi father who ran over his daughter with his vehicle because he felt she was getting too "westernised". "Honour killings" in India/Pakistan, where brothers, fathers or in-laws douse their wives and daughters with kerosene when they don't met up to certain traditional "expectations" and these killings are justified to "protect the family from shame" (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/02/0212_020212_honorkilling.html)
Hence culture can be viewed as a "double-edged sword". On one hand, culture can inculcate sense of belonging but when it becomes too deeply entrenched into any society, it can become dysfunctional. Especially when people fight and kill and denigrate others for the sake of their repective cultural perservation at the expense of goodwill and love.
Culture is gettin especially important for effective communication because the emblems and cues we use for our own culture may not pertain for another. additionally, the society we live in is becoming more globalized and the chances of us interacting with people from other cultures is greater. So we have to understand the differences and not have prejudice towards them because their way of doing things vary from our own or because the way they perceive things are different.
ReplyDeleteCulture plays an important role in our behaviour and perceptions towards issues. However, culture may also cause misunderstandings between people.
ReplyDeleteIn the case of marriages that you talked about, indians and nepalese do follow strict laws. Even in Singapore, small differences like the venue of the weddings itself: Why do chinese get married at hotels? or indians at temples? or malays at void decks? or christians at churches? That itself shows differences in cultural beliefs, within a country itself.
While these open our people to a more diverse environment, they may also cause inconveniences or misunderstandings.
Like Capriana mentioned, indians may see divorce as a last resort solution, in cases of violence or adultery. However, some wives may still stay by their unfaithful husbands' sides. Westerners may see it as someone following blindly or someone being enslaved by their husbands, but the wives see it as respect for their husbands and their marriage itself(:
Marilyn,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good topic to discuss. Sharing the same culture and religion -- apart from true love -- are two important elements that can help promote a happy and lasting marriage. If there are major cultural and religious differences between two people, even if they work out a compromise, there is the danger these could be a point of major friction between the couple in future.
Fortunately, for many people among the different races in Singapore there is acceptance and even celebration of each other’s culture that allow us to intermingle and even intermarry. But religion is still a huge obstacle and the problem accentuates when it comes to having children – whose religion should they follow, the mother of father’s? Muslims here also require their spouses to be of the same faith as theirs and if they won’t convert, then they can’t marry.
So I think when it comes to marriage, these issues between the couple must be resolved first and no one should surrender beliefs that they hold dearly.
Cultural differences between couples can lead to break up in relationships and ultimately divorces, but the problem with a lot of marriages today is the lack of give and take. People make a lot of promises to each other before they tie the knot but often they are not sincere in making them.
ReplyDeleteMany people make the mistake of getting into marriage because they are afraid if they don’t make a commitment when they get the chance, they might not get married in the end. Finding the right person is important but it does not mean we should rush into the first opportunity we come across, just because we are getting older or afraid we might never find Mr or Miss Right.
in this day and age, i feel that a career seems piority to most individuals and marrige is constantly put on hold. couples now consider being financially stable as crucial before being able to settle down for marrige with much ease. this idea mainly applies to those living in a modern society where ideas and perspectives differ from those in a consevative culture.
ReplyDeletei feel that strong beliefs in the roots of one culture allows them to partcipate in arranged marriages as i personally cannot imagine living with someone i have never met for the rest of my life!
The different cultures present all over the world can actually be linked to language in some ways. In the past, people living in the same area used a common language to communicate with each other. However as time passed and the group split up into different tribes or clans, they brought with them their own set of values and language changed as well. They communicted the way they wanted to, led lives that they saw fit and from then on, language and culture began to diversify, stemming from the different mindsets they had.
ReplyDeleteThen, any conflicts they had was settled using violence. these conflicts arose usually due to their different ways of lives. Since they could not communicate effectively nor tolerate each other, they returned to the most premitive method of achieving their wants, which was to fight for it.
In the modern world today, nations forge international ties with oneanother in the hope of achieving world peace one day, where all nations can live together harmoniously. The many peace treaties signed are actually just papers with certin boundaries set to prevent either psrty from getting into conflicts due to misunderstandings.
personally, world peace will only exist when nations accept one another and work together hand in hand, sans the treaties or agreements. The trust given to each other, the acceptance of one another, and the tolerance of mistakes will give rise to a better world. All these can be achieved by starting from individuals living in society today.
If everyone applied the same general rules when dealing with inter-personal relations, there will certainly be a much lesser occurence of conflict and war.
For sure, culture differentiates groups of people from others. There will be no real problems if everyone appreciates and take the trouble to learn what why others are different. It adds colour to the world and if we can see what good culture brings to each group, we may be able to see that they are no different than what we all seek – the best in life and the continuity of their race.
ReplyDeleteSingaporeans have gained tremendously over the mix of cultures we have among us. It has enriched our landscape and allowed us to be more accepting of people who are different. Of course there are those who like to think they have a more superior one, but they are not a big group. Still, although we may tolerant of someone different from us, the only way we are going to be more accepting of such people is when we learn why people practise their cultures the way they do. Only then, can marriage occur more easily and with less obstacles between people of different traditions.
ReplyDeleteAbout how arranged marriages seem to be unwavered in the Indian culture as compared to the Western culture despite the nature how the couple end up getting married, I feel that couples who have arranged marriages do not separate for the simple reason of honoring their parents decision. Yes, I personally feel that that may be the wrong way to settle down. However, when you think about it, in a way it shows that what probable bonds traditional couples who were match made is their loyalty to one another and responsibility toward their wives/ husbands.
ReplyDeleteI feel that probably the modern culture which gives us the freedom of choice has spoilts us. Imagine the kind of love two people could have in our modern society where the get married cause they love each other, and on top of that retain the values of a tradional marriage !